If You Believe Your Not Loved?

Most beliefs are formed in early childhood, many  we are not even aware of. There is a big difference between the power of beliefs, based on whether they are fundamental or ancillary.

A fundamental belief would be that you are not loved or worthy of love.  Developing this belief causes a disconnection with the world, and the people around you. Ancillary belief is if you believed a certain group of people were not worthy of love.

This disconnection with people sets us adrift in the world, with no connection to society or our place in it. We start to experience the world from the external in as opposed to the internal out. We are the passenger, not the driver, set up to become a victim, we feel powerless.

Life just happens, we don’t believe in anything and we don’t take responsibility for anything. We become dependent on the world and others to take care of us. We develop  addictive personalities, easily addicted to anything that changes the way we feel.

In this situation, we you set ourselves up for constant frustration. Life doesn’t deliver what we want. We want to be made happy, by getting a particular thing or having a particular experience, and until we get it, we live in expectation. Happiness is just around the corner, but never here and now.

As we wait there is a constant gnawing, a sense of irritation, because life is failing to deliver. Unconsciously we feel cheated, everybody seems to be getting what they want. Perversely we judge, criticize, and complain. We push people away without being aware of it. We start to pursue external power by attempting to manipulate and control people. We lie to get what we want it.

Our expectations have been swollen to impossible proportions, to which life can never satisfy. The desires get fiercer and harder then ever to satisfy, this results in a mounting sense of frustration and isolation.

We establish a pattern of a background of anger, fed by the feeling that our deep desires are not being fulfilled. This anger is always just beneath the surface of consciousness. This leaves a very low level of tolerance, so that even a small irrelevant irritation, is enough to make us miserable and depressed.

The search for value and self worth is always desperate, because the pain of wanting to be loved and feeling unlovable, wanting to love and feeling incapable of loving, needing to belong and feeling excluded is unbearable. This is the pain of powerlessness. It lies at the core of the our experience.

Powerlessness is the experience of feeling intrinsically defective, inherently ugly, and without value. It is the fear if others could see us as we really are, they would not want to be with us. It is self hatred, it is desperation.

Avoiding the pain of powerlessness continually determines our perceptions, intentions and actions. We flee them by attempting to manipulate and control circumstances. This is the pursuit of external power. We respond to our perceptions not reality.

Our perceptions are composed of opinions, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. If we respond to opinion, feelings, and thoughts it’s because of limiting beliefs. All beliefs are limited by nature. We don’t know what we don’t know. How can you identify whats true versus an opinion, feeling or thought.

Our intentions determine our experiences whether or not we are aware of them. We must look for the why beneath the why to find the actual intention. It’s this intention that creates the consequences.

We believe that actions create consequences, and are unaware that it’s the intention behind the action that creates the consequences of the action. When we are aware of our intention (cause), we can predict the consequences that they will create (effect). When we are not aware of our intentions, the experiences that they create are often surprising and most often painful.

These experiences have four things in common.

  1. They express fear.
  2. They are painful to experience.
  3. They create painful destructive consequences.
  4. They are central to our spiritual development.

It’s only through admitting our powerlessness that we can heal. As long as our feelings of powerlessness, remain outside our awareness, we will continue to live in a “sea of suffering”. With out an intervention, our lives unfold robotically from one painful experience to another. We remain victims in the game of life, unaware that we hold the keys to the kingdom.

Only through surrender to a power greater then ourselves can we locate and challenge the dis-empowering beliefs we hold. Even though we want others to remove the pain and emptiness from our lives, we slowly learn that we are  responsible for were we are.  What is behind our eyes becomes more important than what is in front of them.

It’s only by becoming aware of the seeds we are planting (our intentions)  that we can know in advance what crop we will harvest (the consequences of our intentions). To maintain this  awareness, it’s not enough to live one day at a time, we need to live 5 minutes at a time. Our impact on the world is significant whether or not we are aware of it, and even whether or not we desire it.

As always thanks for visiting. Dave

Before Christianity; The Gita and The Tao

This unique religion caters to the Material as well as the Spiritual needs of everyone including theists and atheists alike. It’s universality makes it unique among the eminent sacred works of the world. It’s unique in that it rises above temporal questions and reveals the dynamic way by which man may achieve perfection of the self and final absolution.

The Bhagavad Gita was written between 400BC and 200AD like the Vedas and the Upanishads the authorship is unclear, although many credit Vyasa, a man more legend then actual historical figure.

Interestingly the Tao Te Ching, the classic Taoist text written in 400BC or even as early as 500BC, also has an unclear authorship, though many credit Lao Tzu, a man also more legend then historical figure.

Both the devotion to God implored in the Bhagavad Gita and the embrace of the Way (of God) explained in the Tao Te Ching are meant to bring a person closer to perfection.Indifference to Duality is evident in both the Gita and the Tao. Both texts also insinuate that the physical world is an illusion. Paradoxically both texts seem to offer wisdom that is unreachable, but at the same time imperishable.

In both your challenge is to take a good look at the way you’ve been living and to weed out old habits and beliefs that once fortified your ego but no longer serve you. They both stress the importance of working on the mind, our ways of thinking and our emotional responses to life, such as an abusive or lifeless relationship, an addiction, a history of powerlessness, overwork, or the glare of self-hatred, for example.

As you do this, you’re left to face the great canyon of emptiness that lies underneath. While it can be frightening, facing this inner void clears the slate, making way for change and regeneration.They both stress that it’s only by perfecting the soul within, that our outer environment can be perfected.

In the Gita the tasks of facing the Underworld and your shadow provoke the Kleshas, especially the one called Abhinivesha, which is (a fear of death and the tendency to cling to life). Though painful, the death of the ego is essential so that, like the mythical phoenix, you can rise from the ashes and come to life again in a more mature form.

The suffering and death of the Klesha, Asmita (the Ego), breaks through the defensive structures that frame our personalities, so we can get closer to our souls. The contraction and suffering experienced with the death of the ego can close your heart and make you feel dry, barren, and exiled. This may seem like a spiritual wasteland, but it’s one of the richest and most verdant paths of your awakening.

Although you might not yet see it, the seeds of your new self are sprouting beneath the soil of your awareness. This is often when the Klesha, Avidya (ignorance or delusion) is stimulated: You can’t see what you’ll grow into. You may also have trouble recognizing the last stage of your transition for what it is.

Finally, after all this waiting, you are reborn. This is when the Klesha called Raga (attachment to pleasure) gets stirred up. Now that you’ve moved away from suffering and death, you’re loath to re-experience it. You may rush to form an attachment to your new identity.

Yet if you’re interested in spiritual development, you don’t want to get too comfortable. If spiritual maturity is truly your priority, you must be ready to leave the comfort zone and begin again and again, as many times as it takes. Don’t get distracted by the siren song of Raga.

A spiritual initiation of the Tao is like a carving knife—it cuts and pierces, but also refines and reshapes you. It allow you to reinvent yourself completely, to give yourself over to something greater. There are windows through which you can glimpse who you really are and what’s possible for you. They’re not just an emotional necessity; they’re a spiritual imperative.

As you learn to recognize and accept the extraordinary power of change in both the Gita and the Tao, and develop the art of surrender, you’ll be rewarded with an awakening of the natural alignment between body, mind, and spirit that already exists within you.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave




How To Become An Author

Looking for a Purpose

Many people are looking for their purpose, their true potential. They have an idea for the best-selling book, or a money making blog, but they are frustrated and even exhausted, because they think they can’t see the next step, they’re meant to take. Even when the next step is right in front of them, which it is always, most find a reason not to move forward.

Some Say

Some say “well the time is just not right,” and others say “I’m not sure,” These excuses are so predictable, but they all boil down to the same thing. Fear of not being good enough, smart enough or deserving enough. Fear of being humiliated, embarrassed or considered not cultured enough, by people they don’t even know. It’s as if they are waiting for a guarantee that specify,

  • It will Write itself
  • It will Publish itself
  • It will Market itself
  • It will be the best-seller
  • You will become rich and famous

Join Wealthy Affiliates and I guarantee,

  • You will learn that your story matters, if not to others, than to you.
  • That self exploration will grow you as a person and maybe even help someone.
  • That to intellectually challenge yourself and do something you didn’t think you could, and succeed at it, keeps you young.
  • You become better at a skill through trial and error and practice. You don’t become better if you never do it, struggle with it, fight with it, or get angry at it.
  • You’ll have a metaphysical experience thinking about your thoughts.
  • You’ll have a therapeutic experience, looking at your thoughts and pondering, why you have them.
  • You’ll leave a legacy that will last longer than writing your name on a rock or carving it into a tree.
  • You will establish credibility, and become an authority.

What You’ll Find

What people have found is that Wealthy Affiliates provides the perfect environment for you to attempt this. With the help of WA, we come to understand that there can never come a time, when we will stop progressing, that age is an illusion, that limitation is a mistake and that unhappiness is ignorance.

WA is for you if,

  • You have a need to create, and a desire to be heard.
  • You want to learn how to move others to take action.
  • You want to be involved with a community that supports, motivates and inspires you to be better than you ever thought you could be.
  • You want to learn the skills to promote and market yourself on the internet, and be provided with a technical foundation, that ensures long term growth.
  • Your looking for a forum that reduces loneliness and provides a sense of security that anything is possible.

Never Limit Yourself

Never limit your view of life based on experience. The possibilities are only limited by our capacity to imagine. It is never a question of failing or succeeding. It’s simply a question of sticking to an idea until it becomes a tangible reality. Join the thousands who have seen their dreams turn into tangible realities.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave

Neuro Linguistic Programing; In Support Of

A Humanist Approach

Neuro Linguistic Programing is a Humanist approach to solving problems. It goes against the paradigm of Modernist Scientific thought, which is Newtonian based. This Empirical, Mechanistic, and Reductionist approach to problem solving focuses on the, Linear, Objective and Rational components to problem solving.

The Empirical Fallacy

From an Empirical perspective, the only way truth can be approached is through measurement and numbers. Pushed to its extreme, anything that cannot be measured or documented by numbers, does not exist and therefore by definition is not true. NLP believes that only through studying the same phenomenon from different perspectives, trying to explain what is going on, and through inter-disciplinary research, can the truth be found. Empirical research can never tell us whats going on, but only what we were able to record at a certain moment or time period.

Mechanistic Model is to Simplistic

A Mechanistic model of science limits us to a simplistic cause and effect approach to problems. Simply put if you push here you will see the effect repeatedly and predictably over there.NLP has a more Dynamism or to use a new term vitalism belief which maintains that vital activities cannot be explained and never will be explained, by the laws which govern lifeless matter. Just because you have a certain gene doesn’t mean you will be an alcoholic or if you suffer abuse, as a child, you will show A,B and C, as an adult. Neuro Linguistic Programing postulates that humans are not that predictable.

Problem with the Reductionist Approach

A Reductionist approach suggests that an analysis of the parts is sufficient for understanding.  For a reductionist “the simple is the source of the complex”. In order to explain human behavior one needs to reduce it to its constituent elements. NLP believes this creates a cascade of errors in method and logic, creates a confusion of statistical artifact with biological reality. The mind and the body affect each other.

Linear Science Assumes to Much

A Linear science assumes X causes Y which causes Z. It assumes that casual relationships are linear, geometric and explained in mathematical terms. Linear thinking does not understand multi-variant thinking and that problems are often spherical and multi-directional. NLP believes that science is a process of constant refinement and that we don’t know what we don’t know until we know it.

Objective Observation of Subjective Occurances

To be Objective, to have an unbiased view, you must be apart from. Objectivity is almost always the opposite of feeling or emotion, and is considered superior to subjectivity by Modernists. NLP recognizes that experience, feelings and emotions are all subjective therefore not measurable, or amenable to the rigors of Modernist science,

Doesn’t fit into a Rationalist Ideology.

The Rational approach in a modernist scientific world has evolved into the need to deny experience, in order to fit into an ideology. Thus Modernist Science refuses to accept many of the Neuro Linguistic Programing suppositions. How can you prove empirically, “that people aren’t broken”, or that “the past doesn’t equal the future”.

NLP Based on Ancient Beliefs

Humanist psychologists look at human behavior not only through the eyes of the observer, but through the eyes of the person doing the behaving.. They believe that an individual’s behavior is connected to his inner feelings and self image. These ideas go back as far as the traditions of the Advaita Vedanta, the ancient Hindu philosophy based on the highest wisdom of the Upanishads, The self is outside time and beyond the limited walled off ego.

Modernist Science is Very Arrogant

Trying to apply Empirical reasoning to the pre-suppositions of NLP as listed below is the epitome of arrogance. To call it a pseudo-science is to ignore the fact that there is a big difference between disagreeing with a hypothesis and proving it wrong. Modernist Science has not been able to categorically prove that any of these suppositions are wrong.

These are the Presuppositions of NLP:

  1. Respect for the other persons model of the world.
  2. The meaning of the communication is not simply what you intend, but also the response that you get.
  3. The mind and body affect each other.
  4. People respond to their experience, not to reality itself. The map is not the territory.
  5. Every behavior has a positive intention. Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have available. People make the best choice they can at the time.
  6. Behavior is geared towards adaptation.
  7. Accept the person; change the behavior.
  8. Behavior and change are to be evaluated in terms of context and ecology.
  9. People have all the resources that they need to make the changes that they want. We already have all the resources we need or we can create them. There are no un-resourceful people, only un-resourceful states.
  10. Possible in the world and possible for me is only a matter of how.
  11. The system (person) with the most flexibility (choices) of behavior will have the most influence on the system.
  12. This is the Law of Requisite Variety
  13. There is no failure, only feedback.
  14. There are no resistant clients, only inflexible communicators.
  15. Having choice is better than not having choice. All procedures should be designed to increase choice and develop greater personal flexibility.
  16. All procedures should increase wholeness.

Only Through Congruence

For the holist “the whole is more then the sum of the parts”. In other words human behavior has its own properties that are not explicable in terms of the properties of the elements from which it is derived. NLP believes that only through understanding the wholeness and congruence of all elements can the mind be understood.

The Goal is to Help People

NLP offers another approach to correcting  the the general neurosis of our time, as stated by Carl Jung, “about a third of my cases are suffering from no clinically definable neurosis, but from the senselessness and emptiness of their lives. This can be described as the general neurosis of our time”. Just like Psychotherapy it has had it’s successes and failures. The system with the most flexibility will have the most influence.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave

Alcoholism; It’s a Symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Problem

The reason recovery rates are so low in AA is because,

  1. AA only recognizes the symptom not the underlying disease

Underlying Disease Not Known at the Time

According to Dr. Lance Dodes, in his book The Sober Truth: Debunking the Bad Science Behind 12-Step Programs and the Rehab Industry (co-written with Zachary Dodes),” when the Big Book was first published in 1939, it was met with wide skepticism in the medical community. The AMA called it a curious combination of organizing propaganda and religious exhortation. A year later, the Journal of Nervous and Mental Diseases described it as a rambling sort of camp-meeting confession of experiences … Of the inner meaning of alcoholism there is hardly a word. It is all surface material.”

Bill Wilson Was a Marketer

So how did AA gain such a place of privilege in American health-culture? How did a regimen so overtly religious in nature, with a 31 percent success rate at best, a five to 10 percent success rate at worst, and a five percent overall retention rate become the most trusted method of addiction-treatment in the country, and arguably the world? It’s a central question Dodes seeks to answer in The Sober Truth. And he begins at the very beginning.

Public Relations Genius

In 1951, based on what Dodes calls “the strength of self-reported success and popular articles” (The Saturday Evening Post was a major supporter), AA received a Lasker Award, which is “given by the American Public Health Association for outstanding achievement in medical research or public health administration.” This despite “no mention of any scientific study that might prove or disprove the organization’s efficacy,” writes Dodes. But it was nevertheless a marked moment AA’s history; the moment it entered the medical establishment, and by proxy, gained implicit trust from the American.

Supported by Judicial System

In 1989, America’s first drug court began sentencing “nonviolent drug offenders” to 12-step programs.You’ve been found to have a serious, Drug or Alcohol problem. In lieu of medication, psychotherapy, or a combination thereof, the Judge prescribes nightly meetings with a group of similarly afflicted individuals, and a set of 12 non-medical guidelines for recovery, half of which require direct appeals to God.

Your Medicine has become a Problem

Why is it usually a  Judge who recommends  treatment? Because you suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a grave and serious emotional and psychological problem, and you deny having any problems, not only to yourself, but to your family, doctors, and employers. Addiction is one of the most obvious symptoms of NPD.

They See Themselves As the Answer

This brings us to the present: an addiction-treatment landscape envisioned and engineered almost entirely by AA. The 12-Step Program is the law of the land. If you have a drinking problem in 2014, or a drug problem, or a gambling problem, your medically, socially, culturally, and politically mandated solution is a set of 12 steps. The only other options, as asserted by the Big Book, are “jails, institutions, and death.”

But Not the Solution

A report published by Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly in 2000 analyzed AA membership surveys taken from 1968 through 1996. On average, 81 percent of newcomers stopped attending meetings within the first month. After 90 days, only 10 percent remained. That figure was halved after a full year.

The Real Problem

The reason for this is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The Narcissist has a great deal of grandiosity and defensiveness, which makes it difficult if not impossible for them to acknowledge problems and vulnerabilities.

Tell Them the Truth

From their first day in treatment, the focus should be, that the Addiction is just a symptom of the disease of Narcissism. Being honest and telling people that they suffer from a mental condition, that has been classified by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, gives people a concrete framework of their condition, instead of propaganda and religious exhortation. Only with a diagnosis can an Addict start evaluating the cause and effects, Narcissism has had on their lives.

Diagnosis Leads To Recovery

Recovery can still follow the 12-steps format, with  guidance by those who have found recovery, from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. .Basic Psychotherapy and Neural-Linguistic Programing techniques should be incorporated in the program or at least utilized by those who have recovered. They would be useful in helping people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder relate to others in a healthier and more compassionate way.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave



Narcissistic Personality Disorder; The Bondage of Self

The Major Reason Behind Addiction

Having recovered from Alcoholism it’s my belief that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the major reason for Addiction today. It is only when the addiction gets so bad, that treatment is demanded by family,work or the law, that the addict learns that the addiction is only a symptom of grave psychological problems.

No One Thinks They Have It

To quote the Mayo Clinic, “People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it’s more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use”

Everybody Thinks It’s the Addiction

As I stated above, everyone comes in through the back door, it’s the addiction that drives them into treatment. For the few this treatment is with a Psychotherapist or an expensive stay at a Rehab, 30, 60, or 90 days or longer. For the majority the treatment consists of AA or NA, especially if they are court ordered.

Has To Be the Addicts Idea

The Mayo Clinic goes on to say,” But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.” This is especially true if it’s their first experience getting sober. If they are being forced into treatment they will only do the minimum required, if that, then quit. It’s only after it becomes the addicts idea, to get sober, that they will even attempt it for real.

Once Your Sober You Realise

By real I mean stay in a program long enough to physically get sober, and become willing to attempt a program of recovery, most programs utilize the 12-step format developed by Bill Wilson and AA in the 1930s. It’s through working the program, that one comes to understand, that the addiction is only a symptom, to grave psychological problems.

Tell Them They Suffer From NPD

It’s at this point that instead of talking in generalities about higher powers, victimization and resentments the program would really benefit if they would just explain what they mean by the term,” bondage of self”. It’s my opinion that another name for the bondage of self could be Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

It Started Early

Although the cause of narcissistic personality disorder isn’t known, some researchers think that in biologically vulnerable children, parenting styles that are overprotective or neglectful may have an impact. Genetics and neurobiology also may play a role in development of narcissistic personality disorder.

It’s About Your Beliefs

How you developed the dis-empowering beliefs systems, as a child, is really secondary to understanding how these belief systems are manifesting themselves in your life. What beliefs are really holding you in bondage? It’s the dichotomy of holding the belief in your subconscious and consciously trying to deny it that makes a person miserable, wanting to self medicate.

Beliefs Cause Behaviors

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and the severity of symptoms vary, depending on the beliefs held. People with the disorder can:

  • Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
  • Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerate achievements and talents
  • Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
  • Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
  • Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
  • Take advantage of others to get what they want
  • Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Be envious of others and believe others envy them
  • Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
  • Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

  • Become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment
  • Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
  • React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
  • Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
  • Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
  • Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
  • Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation

 Functioning Addict?

Wikipedia had this to say about NPD “according to the DSM-5: “Many highly successful individuals display personality traits that might be considered narcissistic. Only when these traits are inflexible, maladaptive, and persisting and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress do they constitute narcissistic personality disorder.”[6] Due to the high-functionality associated with narcissism, some people may not view it as an impairment in their lives.[12] Although overconfidence tends to make individuals with NPD ambitious, it does not necessarily lead to success and high achievement professionally. These individuals may be unwilling to compete or may refuse to take any risks in order to avoid appearing like a failure.[6][7] In addition, their inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements, or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for such individuals to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional relationships with superiors and colleagues.[13]  

Feeling of Irritability and Discontent

It’s when these behaviors, cause significant impairment and subjective distress, to such a level, that a person will start looking for or accidentally finds, something that changes the way they feel. These “things” obviously vary and can take the form of food, sex, gambling etc. but most people find relief through drugs and alcohol.

It’s Through the Addiction That Recovery is Possible

Fortunately it’s through the abuse of the “medication” that drives a person into treatment, where they find out, if they are lucky, that their addiction is actually a symptom. Once they understand this, the real recovery can begin.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave

In Support of Neuro Linguistics Programing

Intrigued by NLP

While doing research for a Blog on Addictions, I came across the science of Neural Linguistic Programing. Having first hand knowledge of Alcoholism and over thirty years experience in AA and recovery I was intrigued and wanted to learn more.

Took an NLP Training Class

For my own edification I took an NLP Practitioner Certification Course. I related with a number of the pre-suppositions, and beliefs of NLP, and believe that they could help a person find recovery, either in addition to a 12-step program or as a stand alone program of recovery.  While doing research for a  Blog I wrote on the Origins of Neural Linguistic Programing, I came across a lot of negative information regarding NLP, At the time I wrote the following.

Challenged by Science

Although the the original core techniques were therapeutic in orientation, since the 1980s scientific interest in NLP has faded. The consensus scientific opinion is that  NLP is a pseudoscience, due to the fact that the evidence in favor of it, is limited to anecdotes and personal testimony, and lacks empirical support through controlled trails.

Comments ran Counter to My Experience

These comments didn’t really correspond with my research nor with my personal experiences, so I decided to do a little more research. Since NLP is a type of Psychology, I decided to start my search there.

Psychology and NLP

Psychology is the science dealing with mental phenomena and processes, in particular the study of emotions, perception, intelligence, consciousness and their relationships with each other.

There are eight different types or fields of Psychology, and although there are no fixed way of classifying them, they fall into these common types.

  • Clinical
  • Cognitive
  • Developmental
  • Evolutionary
  • Forensic
  • Health
  • Neuro
  • Occupational

The Goals of Psychology

The four main goals of Psychology are to describe, explain, predict, and control the behavior and mental processes of others.

History of Psychology

Psychology has a long past but only a short history. It’s long past extends down through the ages, ever since human beings developed the capacity to ponder their existence. It’s short history refers to the relatively brief period since Psychology became a modern science, (1879 with the founding of the first laboratory for Psychological research, Leipzig, Germany).

Psychology has it’s Own Problems Being Accepted

It’s my opinion that modern Psychology’s inability to accept NLP, either as a distinct type, or to place it into one of the eight existing types already recognized, is because of it’s own need, of being accepted by Science and Medicine, the science of Pyschology has become unable to accept other creative and innovative approaches to problems, it claims it’s dedicated to solving.

Can’t Measure Mental Processes

Dane Rudhyar, in an article for “The American Theosophist” gave a good summary of what modern Psychology struggles with, and one of the major problems NLP has in getting acceptance. “Objectivity refers to what can be perceived by the senses and the modern instruments that have immensely extended the scope of  sense perceptions. These perceptions, moreover, in order to be acceptable to Science, have to be obtained under strict experimental conditions, they must be repeatable by any trained observer. They must also be measurable and definable in terms of some kind of activity that is a observable and recordable change. Thus the field of scientifically objective knowledge finds itself limited by these conditions. It may be so limited as to lose meaning in some directions.” A lot of the claims made by NLP cannot be objectively measured or repeated in every case.

NLP Doesn’t Fit the Paradigm

Modern Psychology has tried hard to be recognized as a Science, in it’s own right. To fit the definition of a Modernist Science a field must accept the beliefs and assumptions held by Modern Mechanistic Science. They must accept that reality is only what can be proved empirically, they must use the methodology of Mechanistic Science with which to experiment and define truth, and deny or ignore any information that does not match this scientific paradigm. Modern Psychology insists on calling NLP a pseudo-science for this very reason.

The Methodology Doesn’t Fit

Even Psychologists like Jung, Maslow, and other humanists, who were willing to explore subjectivity and introspection, struggled with this underlying issue of mechanistic science methodology. Forced to base a lot of their findings and studies in empirical methods of modern science in order not to set themselves off entirely from what is now considered mainstream science.

How Do You Measure Intuition

NLP which follows a humanistic approach to Psychology with pre-suppositions that bravely introduce as important and necessary, the intuitive, the spiritual, and the power of consciousness, even though these pre-suppositions cannot really be studied by empirical methodology.  NLP has tried to legitimize and prove the validity of their suppositions using the tools, methodology and assumptions of mechanistic science where possible, but sections of the modern science community still find NLP’s hypotheses more subjective then objective.

The Map is not the Territory

Slowly, those looking at scientific paradigms are beginning to see that even science is relative. David Griffin, in his book, “Re enchantment of Science” reaffirms a basic NLP pre-supposition ,(we respond to our map of reality, not reality itself), when he wrote, ” Our interpretations and even perceptions are conditioned by language, by culture in general, by the dominate worldview of the time, by personal (including unconscious) interests, and by interests based on race, gender, and social class. This recognition has led many to the conclusion that a worldview is wholly a construction or a projection, not at all a reflection or a discovery of the way things really are’. Psychology has its own perception of reality.

Truth Based on Prejudices and Interests


In further support to NLPs theories, Griffin further states, “Recognition that the scientific community seeks truth is fully compatible  with the recognition that the truth it seeks are selected according to various interests and prejudices.” (see  Bandler and Grinder). Psychology has a lot of it’s own prejudices.

Orthodoxy, The One True Belief

Basically Psychology has enmeshed itself in a scientific worldview that reveres and believes in the myth of objectivity, (a limited view of objectivity) and does not have the objectivity to reflect upon it’s own assumptions. It continues to to teach that empirical truth is the only real approach to truth. Being purely empirical is an especially difficult task for Psychology because much of what it attempts to study emotion, feelings, interactions, values, perception and perceptions and family patterns are not really amendable to the procedures of mechanistic science. Essentially Psychology cannot be what it wants to be and do what it wants to do.Yet holds NLP to standards it struggles with itself.

Locus of Control

Another refutation of Psychologies mechanistic approach, can be seen in how they view the world, as opposed to the widely accepted theory held by NLP, dealing with Locus of Control.

External Locus of Control

Anne Schaef, writes in her book, “Beyond Therapy Beyond Science” . “In a purely mechanistic science we are determined only by forces operating upon us externally, we are determined solely by our environment and those forces in the environment that can be seen and measured, with the tools of science .This approach to understanding works relatively well with mechanical nonliving matter, that can be manipulated in the laboratory, but it progressively breaks down as one moves to more and more complex organisms”.

External vs. Internal

Mechanistic Science sees humans having an External Locus of Control, this is a very dis-empowering view of how people experience life. Having a limited view of your control of life leads to a victim mentality with limited capabilities, no belief,no spirit and low self esteem. The humanistic science believes in an Internal Locus of Control, this empowering belief believes in self responsibility and an unlimited view of your ability to control life. Confidence that you determine your life, belief in yourself and in a higher power.

Hubris to Condemn

Psychology suffers from the same deficiencies they accuse NLP of having, namely the fact that they cannot properly study what they want to study with the tools of the science with which it aligns itself. It takes hubris to criticize NLP as a legitimate science when they suffer from the same condemnation from scientists and philosophers of pure science, who refuse to think of the human sciences as science at all. This hubris is only surpassed by their short memory of their own fight for legitimacy.

A New Heresy

Willis Harman, Founder of the Center for the Study of Social Policy at Stanford Research Institute wrote, ” Experienced reality does not conform to the reality they taught us in science class. The scientific worldview is not an adequate guide for living life or managing a society. We are seeing, I believe, indications of a “new heresy”, that is challenging modern secular authority at a level as profound as the scientific heresy challenged the ecclesiastical authority in the seventeenth century”.

Changing Paradigms

I am confident that NLP will eventually be accepted within modern Psychology, when their existing paradigms finally start to collapse. Already many question the validity of their feelings about NLP. And more will when they finally accept that, (we don’t know what we don’t know). Many aspects of NLP are already accepted  by many who practice Psychotherapy and  Life Coaching  worldwide.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave





Trust, Faith and Alcoholism

 Who Do You Trust

Who would you trust, someone who has studied painting for thirty years, or          someone who has painted for thirty years? Someone who has studied digging ditches, or someone who has dug ditches? Someone who has studied alcoholism for thirty years, or someone who has been an alcoholic for thirty years? Someone  who has studied recovery, or someone who has recovered?

Levels of Belief

There are people out there, who believe something because they have studied  it,  then there are people, who believe something because they know it. While  belief is good, there are levels of belief. The belief gained through experience will   always trump the belief gained through education. You can trust the belief gained by education. You can have faith in the belief gained by experience.

 Which is stronger trust or faith?

If you have lived with a dis-empowering belief for thirty years, you can have faith,that you know for fact, it’s dis-empowering. As opposed to the person that has studied a dis-empowering belief for thirty years, he may trust he knows, but he doesn’t have faith he knows. The arrogance of people with education, and a lot of letters following their names, never ceases to astound me.

Beware Experts

The EGO of these people is only surpassed, by how wrong they have been, about so many things. We will laugh when we look back fifty years from now, about what some of the experts believed was true. History has shown us this, over and over. Yet these experts, never stop pontificating, about something they trust to be true, simply because they have studied the problem, only to be proven wrong, by someone who has lived the problem.

It’s About Money

When I hear or read about an expert telling the world, that ALCOHOLISM is an incurable disease, I always wonder, how does he know? You can study it forever, but until you’ve lived it, you can’t really know. I’ve lived it for thirty years, and have seen hundreds of people, including myself, who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless case of mind and body. Is this expert going to tell me, I can’t trust my own experience or what I’ve seen with my own eyes. What is the motivation behind telling people there is no cure? It’s obvious, it’s money.

Call Me Anything but Narcissistic

I’m here to tell everyone, that ALCOHOLISM can be cured, and a lot more people would be cured, if the experts started focusing on the root cause instead of giving simplistic answers to complicated problems. Nobody likes to admit they are a Narcissist. and that’s the problem. It’s a disease that by it’s very nature, manipulates and deflects, peoples attention away from the real problem. It’s like their mantra is, call me anything , but don’t call me a Narcissist.

You Have A Personality Disorder

Well, the jig is up, the cat is out of the bag. Anybody who has read, the symptoms and behaviors, of NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER, only has to attend, say 90 meetings in 90 days, to be thoroughly convinced that this MENTAL ILLNESS is behind all addictions, especially ALCOHOLISM.

Alcoholism is Only a Symptom

The Alcoholism is only a symptom to the real problem. NPD is the “bondage of self”, that is making so many people so unhappy, that they reach for the first thing, that will give them some relief. Unfortunately in our society, that first thing, most easy to obtain, is alcohol. It’s my opinion that this “obsession of the mind”, is NPD, and the sooner people start realizing this, the sooner we will see dramatic improvements in recovery rates. I encourage anyone reading this to start looking at NPD with a critical eye.

Cause and Effect

All beliefs are limited by nature, (we don’t know, what we don’t know). All external events are filtered through our beliefs, which label and give them meaning. From this, emotions are created, that dictate how we respond or react, which leads to outcomes, which creates our lives.

Lack of Power was my Dilemma

Lack of Power is about holding dis-empowering beliefs. Identifying these beliefs is primary, how they got there is secondary. AA believes if you change the behavior and you can change the belief, true empowerment comes when you take responsibility for holding the belief. Responsible thinking is crucial to attaining recovery.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave

Neuro Linguistic Programing; A Review of it’s Origins and Pre-Suppositions

 Subjective not Objective

For those of you that don’t know what NLP is it stands for Neural Linguistic Programming. The study of the Structure of Subjective Experience and what can be calculated from it. For simplicity look at Subjective as biased theories, and Objective as unbiased theories. Founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in 1976.

What is NLP

NLP is a communication model, it is about the internal representation of experience and how people communicate with themselves as well as with others. It focuses on subjective experience and constructed reality. Neural refers to translating sensory experiences into thought processes, both conscious and unconscious. Linguistics is how we capture, conceptualize, then communicate the experience. Programing is how we mentally represent the experience, using regular and systematic patterns of response.

It’s Roots

Alfred Korzybski, most famous for creating the theory of General Semantics in the 1930s. General Semantics deals with human evaluative orientation. Where it’s always possible to give a description of empirical facts, but such descriptions remain just that, descriptions, which necessarily leave out many aspects of the objective.In short language provides a structural “map” of empirical facts, but there can be no “identity”.

Considered Ground Breaking in the 1930s

Humans create their unique cognitive maps of the external world. Today everybody is aware that people differ in their perceptions, even when they are confronted with identical situations. Our past experiences, beliefs, and expectations dramatically shape the ways we see, smell, hear, taste, and feel.

Human Potential Movement

Through Abraham Maslow’s, modeling study of psychological healthy self-actualizers, the Human Potential Movement was launched, and from this came the premises of NLP. Based on Rogers Psychometric research and Glasser’s Reality Therapy the emphasis moved to a solution focused approach to solving psychological, physiological, neurological and emotional problems, and away from the Freudian approach of looking to the past for the solution.

Cognitive Theory

Using the Cognitive Theory, which focused on thoughts being the primary driver of human experience, and that thoughts are revealed primarily as words, self-talk statements, and beliefs. How we think affects how we feel which in turn affects how we behave.


NLP has been influenced by many fields and disciplines and continues to be a fluid approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy. It claims there is a connection  between neurological processes, language, and behavioral patterns learned through experience, and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.

 Challenged by Science

Although the the original core techniques were therapeutic in orientation, since the 1980s scientific interest in NLP has faded. The consensus scientific opinion is that  NLP is a pseudoscience, due to the fact that the evidence in favor of it, is limited to anecdotes and personal testimony, and lacks empirical support through controlled trails.

No Empirical Evidence

A systematic review of experimental studies by Sturt et al in 2012 concluded that “there is little evidence that NLP interventions improve health related outcomes. In a review Stephen Briers writes “NLP is not really a cohesive therapy but a ragbag of different techniques without a particularly clear theoretical basis and its evidence base is virtually non-existent.”

Why It’s Still Popular

It’s generic nature enables it to still be applied to other fields such as persuasion, sales, negotiations, management training, sports psychology, team building and public speaking. It has shifted it’s emphasis to the study of self improvement, and communication, both with yourself and others. By utilizing its vast array of best practices, concepts and techniques, they now claim to be able to help people get in control of their minds, emotional states and improve the general quality of their lives.

Is it a Placebo

In  this and in subsequent blogs I will attempt to do an in depth review of NLP, in which we will take a look at this ragbag of techniques in order to see what’s behind all the noise and why it’s still being aggressively marketed on the internet both as a self improvement course and a life coach certification course. I don’t  write off any pseudo science. My research in placebos has shown me that there is a lot science doesn’t understand, and the bigger the problem the better a placebo works.

NLP believes People Are Inherently Good

To understand the basics you first should look at NLP pre-suppositions. When I first started reading these, it immediately brought to mind, the theory X and Y Management Styles that I learned back in the eighties. Simply put a Theory X manager basically thinks people are bad and inherently lazy, thus they must be managed with a strong hand. Theory Y on the other hand believes people are inherently good and want to do a good job, they can be managed with a more enlightened attitude. While theory X is productive in the short term it doesn’t age well and causes problems down the road. Theory Y is preferable but can go to the other extreme with people taking advantage.

Now lets look at the pre-suppositions

  • Each behavior was the best choice an individual had at that particular time.
  • Behind every behavior lies a positive intention
  • There is no such thing as failure only feedback exists
  • If what you do doesn’t work try something different
  • The map is not the territory, perception is projection
  • The individual with the most flexibility wins
  • You cannot not communicate/manipulate
  • Everyone already has the needed resources available to achieve desired results
  • There are no incapable people only incapable states.
  • The body is the mind
  • The past is not equal to the future
  • People aren’t broken
  • Everything is achievable
  • Empowerment comes via responsibility
  • People respond to perception not reality

Should Be Taught In High School, College,and Businesses

I think anyone reading these, would have to agree, that these are very humanistic assumptions, and I wonder why courses in Semantics and Ethics are not requirements in Colleges and Universities today. and more consistently utilized in management training within organizations.

Challenge What People Believe

It’s about challenging dis-empowering beliefs, NLP feels that all beliefs are limited by nature, and that we don’t know what we don’t know. When we respond to opinion, feelings and thoughts it’s because of limiting beliefs. Society today could  reflect on some of these principles

How We Experience Life

Life manifests itself from the inside out. It starts with our thoughts then to our attitudes, through our beliefs, and finally our feelings. Just a little to get you interested, stay tuned for my next post, where I’ll cover the five ways we experience life and a lot more.

No matter what your age or avocation, I’m convinced that everyone has a best seller in them. Don’t die with your story inside you. There is a Website that will train you, filled with a community of like minded people, to help and encourage you,  in achieving your goals. Check out my custom sign up page. It’s free to try it out, what have you got to lose.

As always, thanks for visiting. Dave

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Goal is a Work/Life Balance

Is it possible to achieve a perfect Work/Life balance in today’s fast changing world, or is it just a brass ring tauntingly out of our reach? A lot of us think we have it and don’t and some think they don’t and do. If you suffer from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, (NPD) it will be impossible for you to form anything close to a perfect Work/Life balance.

Denial Has to be Overcome

There are few occasions in life when we experience “satori” or enlightenment. And even if we experience it, it’s often short lived. What’s interesting, is that often, true long lasting enlightenment, only comes through failure. In order for a Narcissist to have satori, they must reach a level of failure, so complete, that makes it undeniable that something is seriously wrong.

The Seven Life Areas That Need To Be In Balance

People who have achieved a perfect Work/ Life balance have a clear prioritization of the seven most important life areas that comprise this balance. They know what they want in,

  1. Relationships
  2. Career and Personal Development
  3. Finances
  4. Health and Recreation
  5. Routine Responsibilities
  6. Contribution
  7. Inner Well-being

Narcissists Can’t Prioritize

Narcissists, either because of genetics or environment form a pattern of dis-empowering beliefs that made prioritizing these seven life areas not only improbable but impossible. Not only are these areas blurred, they overlap to the point of being almost indistinguishable and unrecognizable. Some areas even disappeared altogether.

A Few Dis-Empowering Beliefs

With only a few fundamental dis-empowering beliefs, see The Cause of Addictions; The Bondage of Self, the chance of achieving a perfect life work balance becomes problematic, if not impossible. These beliefs are at the core of the Narcissists understanding of what it is that constitutes reality. They only see their perception of reality, not reality itself. These beliefs could be;

  1. More is better
  2. Externals are to blame for my life conditions
  3. Idealism can’t coexist with realism
  4. There is only one existence and it’s physical
  5. We are separate and distinct from everyone else
  6. There’s an “US versus a “THEM”
  7. Feelings are real
  8. People can’t be trusted
  9. I’m not good enough or smart enough

No Work/Life Balance

With just a few fundamental dis-empowering beliefs, the Narcissist is generally unhappy, disappointed, depressed and often times addicted. Normal relationships are either unfulfilling or unattainable. There is no balance. People don’t enjoy being around you, and you have few true friends.

Denial is the Biggest Obstacle to Overcome

To make matters even worse, these dis-empowering beliefs are usually accompanied with a total lack of self awareness. It’s impossible for the Narcissist to believe that anything could be wrong, any criticism is met with emotional denials.

 The “Bondage of Self”

NPD is the Bondage of Self, the belief systems that Narcissists hold only reinforces their false sense of reality. In order to break through this perception and for enlightenment to occur, it takes failing in one or more of the seven life areas. Even then recovery through group and family therapy must be approached deliberately and with caution, focusing first on any addictions then working slowly towards changing the underlying beliefs that lead to the undesirable behaviors.

 The Most Common Symptoms of NPD.

  1. Exaggerated sense of self importance
  2. Sense of entitlement and a need for admiration
  3. Exaggerate achievements and talents
  4. Monopolize conversations, belittle and look down on others
  5. Take advantage of others to get what they want
  6. Envious of others and believe others envy them
  7. Significant interpersonal problems easily slighted
  8. Difficulty regulating emotions
  9. Poor stress management
  10. Secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability, self loathing
  11. Addictive personality, gambling, food, sex, drugs, alcohol
  12. External Locus of Control

It Starts with Awareness

Failure is often the catalysis for change, and developing awareness is the first step needed, in order to change. There are different programs that follow a set number of steps for recovery. NLP has seven, AA has twelve

Neural Linguistics Programing Steps

  1. Developing Awareness
  2. Discovery
  3. Ownership
  4. Exposure
  5. Intention
  6. Action
  7. Integration

A Formal Therapy Program

Going through a formal therapy program helps the Narcissist better understand how they experience life. Instead of creating a false self (ego) in order to deal with life from the outside in, dis-empowered and limited. They come to realize that life emanates from the inside out, empowered and unlimited. That it’s through our spiritual or authentic self, our thoughts that create feelings, that lead to action and outcomes.

We Experience Life on Five Levels

  1. Physical
  2. Emotional
  3. Rational
  4. Volitional
  5. Spiritual


All Religions hold the same basic truth. That we were made in the image of our creator. Given a divine mind that will manifest anything we believe. We have free will to believe anything we wish. Once a belief is placed in the Habitual Mind the Unconscious Universe will manifest it, it has no choice, for it is fertile. Our thoughts are based upon our beliefs, they are cause, the effect is our life. Don’t like your life? Change your thoughts.To change your thoughts, change your beliefs.

For more information on Recovery options visit www. bridgestorecovery.com or read https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201410/6-keys-narcissists-change-toward-the-higher-self

If your interested in learning how to increase your presence on the internet, and learn how to create your own blog, join me within Wealthy Affiliates, you can register here to create your free starter membership. Join the community, learn how you can get your voice heard


As always, thanks for visiting. Dave